A post on Facebook by a friend made me want to post about this. He woke this morning to find that a missed call was labeled from his brother. But his brother passed away a year ago. In that time, he hasn’t been able to bring himself to remove the entry from his contacts. I have it on good authority that he is not alone in keeping numbers from loved ones who have died. Because my dad’s number is still on mine.

My entry for the particular phone number in question used to be labeled “Mom & Dad.” It wasn’t until after my dad was seeing someone who moved in with him and the new girlfriend’s voice was on the answering machine that I decided to change the entry.

I’m likely getting the new iPhone when it comes out. Before I bother to move over any of my contacts, I will be cleaning up the list considerably. The decision is going to come soon if his number appears on my new phone.

We move on in so many other ways so soon. What is it about a phone entry that makes us slow down and hold on? Is it the wishful thinking that one day we’ll see a missed call? Is deleting the entry too much like letting that person vanish? Like accepting?

Do you still have entries on your phone of people you’ve lost? How long has it taken you to delete them? Was there something that gave you the permission you needed to do it?

Tags: iPhone, loss, phone | Filed under Life in General, Web & Tech

I had my first parent-teacher conference ever. My 4 year old is in Pre-K, and his teachers wanted to discuss my expectations, though I suspected they had a few of their own. One comment they made was that my son was sometimes reluctant to try to do things himself. Yes, I had noticed that he protested sometimes and claimed he couldn’t do something. My response to his “I can’t do it,” is typically, “You can try, and you can get better at it. Everyone needs to practice to get good at something.” Or something to that effect.

Recently, in something work related, I sent clients a Word document for their review. I specified in my email message that reviewers should turn on track changes in Word, mark up the document with their changes and comments, and then submit back to me. Out of the 5 reviewers, NOT ONE used track changes to provide me with feedback. One converted the document to PDF and used the editing tools of Acrobat to mark up comments and changes. Another simply responded back in an email with a list of page numbers and suggestions. Another called me to tell me what changes she suggested.

My instruction to use track changes was not buried in a long email. When I asked why they didn’t follow my instruction, most responded that they didn’t know how to use the track changes feature of Word. No one asked me to show them before arriving at an alternate method. When I offered to show them, they declined.

They didn’t want to try. They were Bartlebys.

What works on my son doesn’t work with them. When I said no one instinctively knows how to use it and that very often people find it takes a while to make it a habit, they still declined to try. When I assured them that they could do it, they still declined.

I’m a tenacious person by nature and try to solve problems (it is kind of what I do). If I don’t know how to do something, I learn. I want to learn. I want to try again when I fail. I want the first time I go running to be when I’m training for a half marathon that I subsequently finish.

I believe that my son will continue to protest every now and again when faced with something he isn’t confident he can do well, but I think he’s already leaps and bounds ahead of many grown-ups who have lost that willingness to dive into a challenge and end up triumphant.

Which kind of grown-up are you?

Tags: failing, motivation, yoda | Filed under Parenting, Web & Tech, Work/Life

I have a saying about employment: Your job is only as good as your boss. I have what I think is a pretty typical experience in that most of my bosses have sucked. Some of been just uninspiring to work for. Some have been sexist and even pervy at work. Some were so concerned about covering their own asses, they forget to also protect mine.

I’ll probably mention this frequently on this blog because it’s worth repeating, but I once had a job where I reported to 6 different bosses in 6 months because of all the re-orgs. This was when they were still trying to figure out if the web was a technical operation or a marketing one. I guess that debate is still open. (Psst! The answer is: both!)

It is from this experience from working since I was 14 (that was a long time ago, though I won’t say how long ago) and having many jobs with many bosses at each one that I can speak to my original thesis statement. Even while the economy sucks right now and the job market sucks, if you are getting job offers, there is something you can do about getting a crappy boss – and by extension a crappy job. Interview your boss when he or she is interviewing you. (more…)

| Filed under Work/Life

A friend of mine lamented this morning that she may need to find a new job. I chirped back, “Oh, how fortunate that you’ve decided that on the same day LinkedIn has added new job application features.” She shrunk a bit before admitting that she didn’t really even have a completed profile on LinkedIn. And probably couldn’t remember her password. For shame. If you work for a living (as most everyone but celebutants do), you should be on LinkedIn and before you need a job. Here’s why.

• It takes a long time to find a job. WSJ recently reported some pretty sobering numbers. Among those is that the average length of “official unemployment” is now 24.5 weeks. (That is not a typo.) In other words, if you think you might need to look for a job, the time to start looking is now. (more…)

Tags: economy, job hunting, LinkedIn, social networking | Filed under Web & Tech

As I get up  a little earlier than usual and think about the quiet and the sunlight just beginning to break the darkness, it occurs to me that I spend most of my waking hours in noise. I pay most attention to the things that are right in front of me. But I also know that only the smallest fraction of what exists is visible to me. And I know that the noise pulls me out of thoughts about those things I can’t see at that moment.

According to the death certificate, my father had cancer for at least 2 years, yet he knew about it only in the last month of his life. There was an invasion going on in his body he had no awareness of. Since his passing, there have been machinations going on in my siblings’ lives I can’t begin to comprehend because they are so far away. I can’t just go there and see for myself. I have to half-believe bad information. I have to give in to whatever they tell me and trust.

The world covered in night. The world that’s inside you that couldn’t be closer but also couldn’t be more invisible to you. The world that touches the people you care about but only exists to you in bits of information sent over the phone. There’s so much that we can’t know. And on days when I quiet my mind from just those things in front of me, I can at least think of them and hope for the best. For a moment, some of these things stop existing in the margins.

Tags: appreciation, morning, quiet | Filed under Life in General

I once lived in an efficiency apartment in Allentown, PA. While that may be the saddest sentence you’ve ever read, that is not the crux of my story. After moving in, I noted that the toilet seat was broken. Every time I used it, it bit my ass to remind me to call the landlord, which I did. The landlord arrived the next day to replace it. Win, right? If that were the case, it wouldn’t be a story about anything other than butt bruises.

He left and I checked out the new seat. It was blue. Nothing else in the entire apartment was blue. I was crestfallen and annoyed. What the hell?! I wasn’t just annoyed that day, but every time I saw it, I was annoyed all over again and just as strongly. It wasn’t the aesthetics that bothered me as much as the entire principle of the thing. The point for me was this: if it were his home, he wouldn’t have installed that. It would have matched.

His complete disregard for my enjoyment of my home ate at me. I didn’t feel appreciated as a tenant. And when I don’t feel appreciated, I don’t enjoy it… and I don’t want to renew my lease.

Do you do this to your customers? Do you give them service or a product you wouldn’t be happy to get yourself? Do you give scraps to people instead of the good parts? What you’re saying to them is profound. And what they are saying to you is much more polite than what they are thinking (usually).

The inverse of this is that excellent customer service makes people feel like royalty, and it makes you memorable. Instead of being outraged, people are grateful. Instead of being forever known as “the guy who installed the blue toilet seat,” you could be the “guy who vacuums your car for free when you get an oil change.” It’s your reputation. Don’t let it stink. Just remember the one-word remedy: care.

What’s your blue toilet seat story? Share in the comments.

Tags: adulthood, renting, service | Filed under Life in General

I love getting the little notice in my inbox that someone new is following me. It’s not because I like the numbers but because I assume that someone has looked at my profile and thought to themselves that they’ll get some interesting or fun updates from me that they’ll ultimately find worth their time. In other words, it’s nice to be found worthy.

And then I see that some of them have followed me out of a purely blatant attempt to get followed back and have me as just another number in their follower count. Thing is- I’m pretty good at figuring out who is genuine and who gets it on Twitter, and unless you’ve put in an honest effort, I’m not following you back. In case you don’t know all the ways to weed out the Tweetjerks, here is my checklist. (more…)

Tags: list, social media, Twitter | Filed under Media, Web & Tech

Sure, Google is so big it’s a verb. Sure, it dominates search. Sure, it’s made people very rich. But it’s also a company that is doing a lot of things poorly. There, I said it.

Before you cry out, “Blasphemy!” hear me out. The reason Google got so big is because it has done search better than anyone. It revolutionized search by creating new algorithms, new search tools, new advertising offerings, and had the cajones to do it with the world’s simplest homepage. This was accomplished when animated gifs were everywhere.

But now, Google has transformed into this company that isn’t so much revolutionizing anything so much as it is trying to do everything. It has software envy all over the place, even for its own beloved search. No sooner did it see that people were using browser plugins that gave a preview of the sites on the SERP, but then it copied it. But when it copied it, it ended up being the inferior option, and one you can’t uninstall.

Google created so-called work productivity tools to counter Microsoft Office. But what it created wasn’t any better, necessarily, than than Office, it just wasn’t Microsoft. And don’t even get me started on +1. AntiSocial Media does a fine job of explaining why it’s horrible if you want to read up on it.

I’m all in favor of failing. If you don’t allow yourself to fail frequently, you won’t be free to innovate or get over those hurdles. But as of this writing, Google’s “more” page lists nearly 50 projects, and only a small percentage of those are innovative, cool, or pioneering. Google needs to stop chasing what it perceives is its next opportunity to grab a share of what others are already doing well and come up with something that blows our minds. Remember how cool Google Earth was (or still is)?

In my opinion, Google is suffering from an identity crisis. This happens to a lot of big companies. They get money and get distracted. They try to see what things they can do to both spend it and make more because, hey, making money is fun. But that’s also when they lose sight of their core business, their value proposition. “Don’t be evil” isn’t a value proposition. When Mapquest is kicking your ass with its map interface, it’s time to dig in your heels and reclaim your throne. I, for one, am running out of reasons to keep them in the #1 spot. How about you?

Tags: +1, Google, Microsoft, social media | Filed under Media, Web & Tech

A lot has been happening in my life lately. I would say that the past year has been pretty transformational. I have started going to yoga, which has transformed my health and mind (and has almost gotten me back into my skinny jeans). I have been able to get out and network more, meeting really fantastic people doing great things (being no longer overwhelmed by 60+ hour work weeks). Ignite Durham is an excellent example of that kind of event that meant a lot to me. Recently my father was diagnosed with cancer. Days later we found out he was stage 4.  (My mother passed away in 2007 shortly after being diagnosed with leukemia.) What has all this done for me?

It’s reminded me of my priorities. All in all, I feel more connected to my community in Durham than ever before. I feel more connected with cancer patients, survivors, and their families. I feel more connected to my family.

As a result of these things and because of the devastating disaster in Japan, I found myself looking for more ways to help. And then I tweeted about it. Then I kept tweeting about it. Then it occurred to me that I could make these contributions less fleeting. So I did what any interactive marketer would do: I created a blog for it.

It is due in part because I wanted to use Tumblr more and thought it was a good medium for this sort of thing. It’s easy enough to do and could help people to discover ways to give back. While the listing at “launch” was only 3 events, one of them is particularly close to me and is one I’m participating in for my father, Free to Breath’s Durham’s Great 108 Yogathon. I have signed up to take part and am accepting donations now. Doing yoga isn’t a great sacrifice for me, but I do like the message it sends and the opportunity it presents to make a difference.

I welcome you to join my team, visit my event page, or just go donate now.

Or you can help yourself to any of the other charity opportunities on SeibrGivr. There are just a few there now, but more are being added all the time. Try not to get overwhelmed by all the awesome.

Tags: blogs, charity, giving back | Filed under Life in General

One of the things I preach about web usability is that you should never have to train someone to
use your website. But this simple rule of thumb can cross over into most things. Chefs shouldn’t
have to explain to you how to eat the food they create. No one has to tell you how to sit in a chair
(unless you’re a toddler, but that’s a different story). You also shouldn’t create an ad that you
have to explain for people to get it.

If only Groupon got it. Not only did they bite it on Super Bowl Sunday, but days later, despite
criticism, they are still re-airing the same mess of crap that they took such criticism for days
earlier without any edits. So they asked for it: yet another blog post about how much their ads
suck. (more…)

Tags: ads, cross-media promotion, Groupon, Super Bowl | Filed under Marketing, Media